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Threesomes suddenly seem to be everywhere, although the message about them is paradoxical: Everyone (at least everyone male) wants to have one, but no one’s had a good one. My husband insists that this is the normal pace of seduction.“Obviously she’s not ready yet,” he says. You need to work out what it is and help her with it.”On my way to the third meeting, I decide to loosen up and be less calculating. A friend says he bedded two women on the night of Sept. But — as in many stories I hear — there’s an imbalance. I tell her that she’s been in my thoughts and that I found her charming “in every way.” She replies immediately, saying that she’s very game for our adventure but that she’d like to discuss it in more detail. I tease her about all the planning, telling her that I’m making storyboards and cue cards. He’s immediately very physical with her, which breaks the ice. I’d focused so much on the logistics and the catering that I had forgotten we were all going to be naked. My husband tells me afterward that he got a little lost too. I get the sense that we’re all trying to divide our attention equitably. One of the women had a serious, unreciprocated crush on him. ”She signs it “N.”It may seem imprudent to pledge loyalty to an anonymous, bisexual woman who trolls “no-strings” websites, but I decide on the spot that I won’t respond to anyone else. I’m not sure about the exchange deal, but that doesn’t seem to be mission-critical for her (although when I read the email to my husband that night, he says, “I’ll swap you”). It turns out she’s a straight, divorced, disease-free mom in her 40s who claims she was motivated to answer my ad by a kind of sexual altruism. My husband, who spent years of his life addressing this particular challenge, gives me a little pep talk.“With women, you have to listen to all the stuff they say,” he explains. She’s a pretty, slim brunette with a friendly face. I try to seem riveted as she describes her boyfriend woes, her life as a single mom, and the health issues of her elderly father. I confess that this is all a rather big deal for me; she says the same. We have a sort of group hug, and then we agree that he can take off both of our dresses. My third surprise is that, when you’re detail-oriented like me, threesomes are confusing.

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It’s exactly what he says when I’ve waited at home all morning for the plumber or replaced the rechargeable batteries in our phones.

It occurs to me that planning this threesome has become another one of the things I do, like organizing playdates and supervising the renovation of our kitchen.

Courtesy of Michel Figuet I should say that we are normally quite dull. Indeed, the idea of a threesome is so exotic that for a few weeks, it just sits there.

I occasionally mention the name of a female friend.

RELATED: Falling in Love with My Transgender Husband" data-reactid="30"RELATED: Falling in Love with My Transgender Husband For his 40th birthday, I had my eye on a vintage watch. Maybe, as a journalist, I can’t resist a deadline, or I pity him heading into middle age consigned to sleeping with the same woman (me) for the rest of his life.

It would complement his tattered sweaters and declare to the world that he is, in fact, employed. He says that what he really wants isn’t a good, but a service: a threesome with me and another woman. And maybe, just maybe, it’s because I fancy the idea myself. Although I wrote a book about infidelity around the world, I ended up concluding that fidelity is quite a good idea. This wouldn’t technically be cheating, but it’s not textbook monogamy either.She’s tall and thin, with a little ballerina’s waist. RELATED: Why I Don’t Want Guys to Go Down on Me After the concert, the four of us chat.I make firm eye contact with the woman (who I’ve figured out is named Emma), act fascinated by her comments on the music, and wait for my window to suggest that she and I meet for lunch. A few days later, we exchange emails and make plans to have Thai food.I do it under the guise of exchanging girly confidences, saying, “You won’t believe what my husband wants for his birthday.” I tell her that I’ve agreed to it in principle but that I haven’t yet found the third party.I think she gets that I’m propositioning her, but instead of taking the bait, she becomes the Cassandra of threesomes. Not only is Emma out of the running, she seems to be morphing into that most dreaded of creatures: the friend.Over brunch one day in Paris (where my husband and I now live — I’m American; he’s British), we tell some friends about the planned birthday “present.” One of them, a single British banker who’s nearing 40 herself, grimaces and goes silent.“You look horrified,” I say.“Yes, I mean, I just think it’s extraordinary! My husband rejects the idea of a sex club as too public.

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